What people seem to forget is that it was practically yesterday in this nation's history that we switched from homeschooling to public schooling. Prior to 1642, there were no regulations about what children should learn, how they should learn, or when they should be done with their education. The 1642 law simply asserted that parents teach their children to read the Bible and to understand the tenets of their faith. By 1647, the Massachusetts Bay Colony required towns with a population of more than 50 people to hire teachers to instruct students in reading and writing. Towns with populations over 100 people were also instructed to teach grammar. This law marked a huge shift in education in our country: it gave the assertion that the government had the right to decide what constituted a minimum of an education and to require the building of schools and hiring of teachers.
Historian Lawrence Cremin says
What sources indicate is that schooling went not anywhere and everywhere, not only in schoolrooms, but in kitchens, manses, churches, meeting housese, sheds erected in fields, and shops erected in towns; that pupils were taught by parents, tutors, clergymen, lay readers, preceptors, physicians, lawyers, artisans, and shopkeepers; and that most teaching proceeded on an individual basis.
It wasn't until 1918 that compulsory education came to every state in the U.S., which means that this idea of needing public schools is less than 100 years old. In her book The Well-Adjusted Child: The Social Benefits of Homeschooling, Rachel Gathercole explains that grouping kids by age in one place to learn was done by necessity and convenience so that "material could be taught in a standardized rather than an individualized manner." Now we've suddenly come to hold schools as the gold standard and develop the idea that school is so synonymous with childhood that any derivation is detrimental and lacking - even if they don't matter for socialization. All in less than 100 years.
So why doesn't school matter for socialization?
Socialization at school isn't always the best sort of socialization; students in a classroom are surrounded by other peers who are also novices learning social cues just like they are. Thomas Smedley, in his master's thesis "The Socialization of Homeschool Children," described two sorts of socialization that occur. He found that children in classrooms participate in horizontal socialization - socializing only with groups of individuals who are similar to themselves in age and often by socioeconomic status since children who live in the same areas generally attend the same schools. Spending 6-8 hours a day with children who are the same age and who share a similar background does not give wide opportunity for children to be socialized and lead to pressures to conform to their peer group.
In addition, children in public schools spend large amounts of time in groups supervised by few adults. One teacher might have 35 students. I did when I taught! Three or four adults might be charged with supervising an entire cafeteria room of children during lunch. This allows negative socialization to happen as much as positive - peer pressure happens, cliques form, and fights (both physical and emotional) happen. As a teacher, I've witnessed students made fun of because they were wearing the wrong brand of clothes. I've seen 7th graders crowd around a peer who was pregnant and talk about how lucky she was to be having a baby. I've walked into an empty bathroom to see an 8th grader making out with a 6th grader. I've overheard boys making bets on who would be the first to kiss a girl or cop a feel. And I've seen a child beaten and bloodied while waiting for school to start because he didn't want to join a gang.
In contrast to these issues with horizontal socialization, Smedley found that children who are homeschooled have more opportunity for vertical socialization - socializing with groups of individuals who are older than they are. They are no longer learning social cues from other novices, but have the chance to learn social cues from a variety of ages and expertise.
Also, kids who homeschool are only "separate" during school hours. Outside of school hours, they have the same opportunities for extra-curricular activities and interactions that their public schooled friends have, like Scouts, swim team, or dance lessons. It quickly becomes obvious how silly the idea is that homeschoolers don't have the chance for to interact with their peers.
One of the benefits to homeschooling, for us, is that we're able to finish our work 3-4 hours a day. That leaves us an extra 2-3 hours a day for socialization before most kids are even out of school! Last year we participated in a multi-age coop. We joined in park groups, soccer groups, and field trip groups for homeschoolers. In none of those groups were my kids segregated into peer groups; however, in each of those groups over the last year I saw my children help others and I saw my children be helped by others. We played and worked along side children from many different parts of town and from many different backgrounds. It's amazing how many issues with groups of children naturally become an non-issue when parents are there to oversee the behavior of their children (and intervene when necessary). We also delivered Meals on Wheels which helped them develop relationships with a number of house-bound elderly members of our community.
Because of the explosion of homeschoolers in the last few years, it is very easy to connect with other children who have similar interests. There are so many homeschool offerings where we live that I could book our entire schedule so that we never had a moment of free time to actually do the school that we are supposed to be home for. Just a few of the homeschool group activities that are available in my area: a weekly game club, Minecraft group, dance/martial arts/gymnastics classes, ASL/French/Spanish lessons, tennis/soccer groups, science club, LEGO classes, art/drama classes, and chess club.
Students who are homeschooled also don't miss out on "teenage rites of passage" either. This one may have been true decades ago, but it's certainly not true for today's homeschoolers! Homeschoolers have the choice of going to prom. Walking across a stage for graduation. They can even attend community college (at least in Texas) and take dual-credit classes just like a public school student.
Longitudinal studies show that homeschoolers are doing just fine when it comes to socialization. They are more than twice as likely to be involved in civic affairs and exercise their right to vote. They are more likely to volunteer and participate in community service activities as well. And study after study has shown that they are more likely to graduate from college and just as likely to attend graduate school so homeschooling was not detrimental to their educational goals either.
I have absolutely nothing wrong with parents who choose to send their children to public/private/charter school. The only point I hope to make is that homeschoolers as a whole are not sheltered and secluded kids to feel sorry for. They do not have long-term issues fitting in with society and they have just as much of a chance to be happy, successful, well-adjusted adults as their friends who attend public, private, or charter schools.
Sure, you might run into an oddball homeschooler here or there, but let me let you in on a secret: I run into plenty of oddball public schoolers too. That's the beauty of individuality and what keeps life interesting.
(To read more about the history of compulsory education in America, check out this article. To read a longitudinal study of homeschooled adults, check out this article.)
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